In the first article of this series, we’ve seen what resilience is and why it matters. Last week, you’ve assessed your own level of resilience.
Credit photo Jon Sullivan at pdphoto.org
But if resilience is a plant, we’ve only seen the photosynthesis.
What are the factors enabling this plant to grow?
What are the elements negatively affecting its development?
Understanding what fosters resilience or what prevents it will enable you to prepare a fertile soil.
Do you remember Max and Julia’s story?
Let’s take a closer look at both children and their families.
On a personal level, Julia is a happy and optimistic child. She shows a good level of self-confidence: she does not imagine that people laugh at her. She proves to have a sense of humor: she is even able to join the laughter. She has got good communication skills, having made friends in a short period of time not only in her class but in all the school. All those qualities are favorable factors.
Max is almost the opposite: lost in a foreign environment, he struggles with the new language. He has difficulties to make friends and gets bad marks. This results in a poor self-esteem and triggers even less will to make connections.
Lesson #1 On a personal level, low self-esteem and self-confidence are risk factors. They may be seriously challenged when moving abroad.
On a family level, Max can feel some disconnection: his mother is depressed and struggling, trying to find her way in the new country. She is not able to support Max to the full extent of her capabilities. Max’s father is a workaholic and has no real conversation with his son. Max can’t rely on family rituals and feels quite isolated.
Julia, on the contrary, derives great pleasure and safety in knowing that she’ll have a reserved spot with her father every day. Her mother is optimistic and happy, planning family time and reaching out to the external community, reinforcing connection.
Moving abroad affects the whole family. When the parents are struggling themselves, they have difficulty to support their children. There is no extended family available. Experiencing cultural and language barriers will also increase isolation. A child will instinctively feel when her parents are suffering. Hiding this or even worse, denying it will just add to the confusion. On the contrary, openness and transparency will bring trust and strength to all family members.
Lesson #2 On the family level, rituals, warm and nurturing relationships, meaningful conversations between parents and children are protective factors fostering resilience.
At school, Maxime is unhappy. He’s struggling with the language barrier and getting poor academic results. He does not have friends and thus can’t get any sense of belonging. He’s just getting more and more frustrated, anxious and overwhelmed. Nobody talked to him and explained that all what he’s experiencing is absolutely normal and that he’ll get over it.
Julia, on the other hand, is well integrated. She’s fitting in. She’s getting positive evaluations from her teachers for all the efforts she’s made. Her results are not at the level she used to but this was corresponding to her parents ‘expectations. She knows she’ll get there. Her teacher keeps repeating it at her.
School is a key element in the children’s life. This is their external world, the reality check for their social integration. Changing from school system and language will make their world shaking on its foundations.
Lesson #3 At school, strong sense of belonging to the school community and positive feedback from the teachers are strong protective factors.
As a parent, establishing a strong bond with the school staff is an absolute must. And you’ll kill two birds with one stone. Not only will this help your child but yourself as well to have meaningful contacts and develop your language skills.
In the broader community, resilience will flourish in cultures promoting cooperation, sharing experiences, connecting with each other, offering opportunities for meaningful contribution.
Australia is a perfect example of this type of open culture.
Your action for today: pick up in the above article, ONE protective factor that you’re not applying today and try it for one month.
Tell me in the comments which one you’ve chosen. It’ll help you to be accountable for it.
Let’s start today to increase your resilience factor! You can never have enough of it.
Don’t miss out the next article in our series: