It’s the human capacity to face, overcome and even be strengthened by the adversities of life.
Bouncing back, credit Wikimedia Commons
This definition comes from the Resiliency Resource Center.
It defines Resilience.
Resilience is commonly referred as the ability to bounce back, like a ball.
But even a ball does not always bounce back according to the same pattern.
When the ball gets a good lift, it goes even higher than its starting point.
That’s the ideal case. You learn from your experiences, they make you stronger, you’re so resilient. It makes you thrive.
Sometimes however, the ball only gets lower and lower. You feel overwhelmed, tired, sad, empty.
We’re not equal in front of resilience. Scientific studies, pioneered by Norman Garmezy in 1973, show that some people are more gifted than others.
But the good news is that resilience is a skill you can acquire! Click to tweet
In front of the numerous challenges of living abroad, it’s now easy for us, expatriates, to understand that becoming a more resilient person can bring substantial benefits:
- Decreasing the time to adapt after a move
- Feeling confident to make the best of any change
- Easing the pain of the numerous losses we’ll have to face
- Being able to support other family members
Let me tell you a little story to illustrate those points.
Maxime is a 10 year old boy who just moved from France to China for 3 years. He is a single child and is travelling outside of France for the first time. In France, both of his parents had a job and he used to go to his grandma after school. They had a well organized life. It’s the first time Max’s travelling so far. Living abroad in China, he’ll attend an international school in English. His parents think that it’s a good opportunity for him to learn this language.
After a few months, Maxime who was a happy little boy in France, turns out to be crying quite often for the faintest little thing. He is complaining that the teacher is speaking too quickly, that he can’t understand the lesson, that he has no friends. He’s not completing his tasks properly and does not get the good marks he was used to. He thinks that everybody laughs at him because he feels so awkward speaking English. It’s like having a hot potato in the mouth, as his dad used to say. At home, the situation is not rosy: dad is working all day long, waking up at 5 am, leaving home at 6 am and not back before 6 pm. When he comes home, he’s exhausted and you’d better not ask him too much. He spends the whole evening reading and answering his mails on his mobile phone. Mum feels lonely, she’s sad. She has no friend and she is complaining about a country where she can’t even read the signs. Shopping for food is a torture. She does not find the same vegetables she used to cook at home. Asking for information is impossible: she does not speak Chinese. She does not feel comfortable speaking English either, so she can’t really socialize with other mums at Maxime’s school. Maxime regrets the lovely time they had in France…
In Maxime’s class, there is another girl, Julia. She’s also living abroad: she is from Italy and came recently. She’s always smiling and she seems to have so much fun! Of course, the first 3 weeks after her arrival, she was a bit shy. But even if she could not speak English, she was not afraid to talk and she was making lots of mistakes. Maxime could notice that sometimes other girls laughed when Julia was speaking but it was never at her. And Julia was even able to laugh with them! She now has a lot of friends not only in the class but in the whole school. At home, Julia says that her mum has made lots of contacts with other expatriate families and even local people. Every week-end, they’re invited to some friends and they already visited a lot of interesting places in town. Julia’s father has to work hard but he’s always making time to sit down in the evening, asking her about her day and reading her a little story. Julia enjoys her life in China! She says that it’s like in Italy. Only rice replaced pasta!
Sometimes, Julia talks to Maxime at recess. She feels sorry for Maxime who seems to be so unhappy. One day, Maxime dared to ask her: “Julia, you are so happy. How do you do that? What’s your secret?”
You guessed it: her secret is Resilience.
Now tell me: which family are you? Do you recognize yourself in above situations? Are you struggling to cope with smaller or bigger setbacks when living abroad?
If you’re interested to know more, you’re in for a treat. I’ve prepared a series of articles on resilience. This is what you’re going to discover in the next episodes:
- The Assessment: how resilient are you?
- Protective and risk factors influencing resilience
- The 3 keys to resilience
- Creating a resilient family abroad
- Raising resilient children abroad
Stay tuned!
If you liked this article, don’t miss the next one in the series.
Get on the list. As a bonus, you’ll also get my 7-part course on expatriate grief and a video on “7 Mistakes Families Make When Moving Abroad”.