Self-care is the first thing people give up when they move.
This is what Maripat Abbott, relocation specialist said to me when we had the chance to talk together.
“It’s such a pity because it may be at the root of many other problems experienced by expats.”
This struck a chord with me.
So now, let me ask you:
When was the last time you did something ONLY for you and felt good about it?
When was the last time you paid attention to yourself as good as you normally do for all the people you love in your life?
When was the last time you took a look at yourself in the mirror and had some compassion for your swollen eyes, your pale face, your struggling mind?
Think about it for a minute. I’m waiting…
Does your answer sound something like:
1. “I’m tired exhausted after this move. I can’t even think about anything. How am I supposed to find the energy to look after myself?”
2. “How could I find the time to take a look at me in the mirror when I don’t even have a minute to go to the loo?
With little children around all day, a partner working crazy hours or traveling all the time and nobody I can rely on in this new country, it’s just impossible”
3. “How selfish it would be to think of myself! My role is to support my children and my partner in this relocation.
We decided to uproot the kids and to send them to a new school system in a new language. I need to be there for them, organizing play dates, keeping in touch with the teachers, giving a hand for homework, looking for extra-curricular activities.
My partner is working so hard for the family. He/she is very stressed. I need to help him/her as much as I can.
As to the extended family, my parents, my siblings, I have to compensate because I’m not around anymore. I do my best to keep in touch, sending mails and pictures, organizing video calls, remembering birthdays and important events in their life.”
4. ”You must be kidding! Yes, I’m not happy about myself but how can I complain? Other people have much bigger problems than me.
I see it right before my eyes. In this new country so many people struggle to survive, dealing with poor hygiene and low income.
I’m so fortunate. I don’t want to go into such self-pity mode.”
5. “Come on, toughen up. I’m not one of those girly girls!”
6. “Leave me alone, you’re not my mom!”
7. “Doing something for myself? I need to be careful with the money. We have to save for the trip to visit my parents next year and for the children’s education.
And when I can afford it, I’m reluctant to spend something on myself. After all, I don’t earn money any more…”
8. “I don’t have any health problems. I pay attention to what I eat, I try to drink enough and I’m doing some exercise. So that’s it. What can I do more?”
9. “What are you talking about? Self what? Never heard of this word. I don’t know what you mean. Really.”
These are 9 “good” excuses to avoid self-care.
Do you know what? I used them all.
Now tell me: what’s yours?
Photo credit catheroo (cat edens) via photopin cc
deborah is lola via photopin cc and music by Piano Society