A few months ago, I discussed here that money can’t buy happiness… but can certainly let you choose your own form of misery. 
Today, in numerous countries, both men and women can study and have access to exciting careers. Support for childcare has revolutionized the traditional gender roles: men at work, women at home. Dual earning couples have become the norm not the exception. However, when an offer to relocate abroad comes on the table, very often, one becomes the leading spouse while the other half must content himself/herself to become a trailing spouse.
According to the Brookfield Global Relocation Survey 2011, from the 68% trailing spouses who had a job before the assignment, only 12% were able to find a job. Working permit restrictions, market opportunities, language barrier, qualification recognition, frequent relocation and child rearing are some of the reasons why the accompanying partner has to give up a professional career. The natural consequence which comes up immediately thereafter is financial dependence.
In a world based on money, how do you recreate a new professional identity?
The spouse stipend concept was born. The idea is simple: employee’s performance is highly dependent on his/her well-being which is correlated to the well-being of his/her partner and family. The accompanying spouse’s role is key in this endeavor as he/she’ll have to support the children, take care of the majority of the household tasks and recreate a new social life. The trailing spouse deserves to be paid for this work: either through an extra amount of money or through a percentage of her/his partner’s salary.
The spouse stipend is not only a dream or a theory. It already exists. It’s been implemented.
Silvia is a young woman in her forties who’s always been working to support herself since the age of 16. Due to her husband’s professional relocation, she had to give up her job and recreate for herself a new professional identity in a new country and a new language.
Here is her story:
1/ Can you explain how you got your spouse stipend? Were there any other benefits associated with it?
When my husband was asked to relocate in another country, he requested some compensation. He calculated all new fees, expenses and our needs. He explained that I had to resign, losing not only a salary, but also a career. The company proposed me a cross-cultural training, 150 hours for language lessons, an outplacement program and a little amount of money (representing around 2 months salary). For me it was already a good deal, but for him it was just a starting negotiation. I had to buy a new car, maybe follow classes at the university to get certifications… In the end, he got 4 times the price that they proposed him in the first place. This compensation was entirely paid as a lump sum when we moved.
I joined the outplacement program, twice. The first time was awful: they didn’t help me to find my way. They didn’t understand my struggle to find an appropriate translation for my titles, functions, qualifications. They didn’t understand that I didn’t understand their culture. They didn’t understand what it meant to give up your job and follow your husband in a new country…
The second time, the general manager sat aside with me and took the time to explain how things work. It was a very good training: I understood how to make my resume, how to prepare interviews and the job mentality in this new country.
2/ What do you miss most?
I’m lucky because I always worked for pleasure and I never cared about the salary. But now, that I mainly do things for pleasure, I really feel the difference between being paid for my skills and just being paid to stay home. Of course, the spouse stipend helps. It helps to buy a car, to pay classes (school, language, training, yoga etc…) without taking money away from your savings…but it doesn’t pay the recognition for your achievements…and in my case after 2 years, it is already finished!
I found very fast a job as Italian and French instructor but it’s not enough for me: first, because I cannot improve my local language and second, because I only have a few hours a month.
I have started a “portable career “as a writer in collaboration with another expatriate and we are working on a book about how expats view their host country. But it’s difficult to project me as a writer because I haven’t finished the book yet and I spend a lot of time collecting, writing, and translating information. All of that now for nobody and for no money back.
I’m also managing career workshops for expatriate spouses, a group to help and motivate others like me interested in applying for jobs. I also followed ESL classes at the local college.
Between all my activities and my family, my days are very busy, but I miss a job:
- A job where I can exchange ideas and projects
- A job where I can improve and learn new skills
- A job where I have new challenges
- A job where I can stay connected with people
- A job where I have just to dress up and make up every day
- A job that is recognized with a salary and in people’s opinion
- A job that enables me also to think about my retirement
- A job that contributes to my financial independence
- A job that can support me in case of problems if one day something happens in my family life
The spouse stipend doesn’t do that. It helps to start a new life…but after that you still have to define your life.
This testimonial shows that the spouse stipend is a useful tool to help trailing spouses in a transition period. It’s not the ultimate solution.
Re-creating a professional identity in a new environment takes time and effort.
The spouse stipend enables you to free up your mind:
- It recognizes the value of your work as a homemaker in times of huge change
- It removes the pressure for rushing to find a job
- It avoids feeling guilty for not contributing financially to the household anymore
Now over to you: Would you like a spouse stipend? Do you feel it’s a step forward for accompanying spouses? If you disagree, what would you propose as an alternative?